


Figure It Out

by WarriorBeeoftheSea



Series: Carry On Countdown 2019 [14]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), DEC 08 - Favorite Trope / Cliché, M/M, Post-Book 2: Wayward Son, Walking In On Someone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 04:41:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21690328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarriorBeeoftheSea/pseuds/WarriorBeeoftheSea
Summary: Simon has some things to sort out...
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Carry On Countdown 2019 [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1557757
Comments: 12
Kudos: 178
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2019





	Figure It Out

**Baz**

In seven years of living with Simon Snow, you would think I’d have walked in on him in a delicate position at _some_ point. But it never happened. (And no, I wasn’t trying to make it happen. Despite all my shortcomings, I try to respect boundaries.)

I actually started to assume he didn’t wank at all. Never took suspiciously long showers, never made any suspicious noises, nothing. (I definitely would have noticed. I might try to respect boundaries, but I’m certainly no saint.)

Which is why I’m downright shocked to walk in on him now, in his room in his flat, with his prick in his hand and, judging by the audio track, porn playing on his laptop.

**Simon**

This is a downright nightmare. I feel like I might combust in shame. If I still had magic, I would be going off right now.

It’s not like I even wank that much. And never with porn. I just never saw the appeal. But, well… I’ve got some things to sort out.

**Baz**

Simon frantically tucks himself back into his trousers and fumbles with his laptop, slamming it closed. “Baz.”

I just gape at him. “I, uh… should I come back another time?”

“No!” He rubs his hand over his face. “It’s not what it looks like.”

I frown at him. “This isn’t you wanking in your room? Because that’s what it looks like.”

He pales. “Ok, yeah, it is what it looks like. But I can explain—”

I cut him off. “Really, Simon, you don’t need to explain. You’re entitled to your wanking privacy.” _Even and especially if you aren’t ready to have sex with me_.

He grabs at his hair and lets out a frustrated growl. “I— it’s not— I want you to understand!”

**Simon**

Baz just blinks at me, his face expressionless. “Snow,” he begins slowly, “I understand wanking.”

“That’s not it!”

I scrub my hands over my face. He doesn’t _understand_ this.

 _I_ don’t understand _this_.

He folds his arms and raises an eyebrow in challenge. “Then help me understand.”

**Baz**

Simon moves his laptop to the floor and gestures for me to sit on the bed. I do.

“Right. So.”

I wait.

“I’m… trying to figure out what I am.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “What you… are.”

He nods eagerly, like he thinks I’ve understood. “Yeah, exactly.”

I shake my head. “Snow, I don’t—”

“Right. So, I know I’m attracted to you. _Merlin_ , am I attracted to you.”

I try not to preen, but I feel I’m entitled to a smirk.

He rolls his eyes. “It’s like I’m, I dunno. _Baz-_ sexual.”

I snort at him, but I’m well pleased. “So you’re trying to figure out who you fancy, apart from me?”

“…Yeah. I feel like— I don’t know— it’s— I don’t know if it’s _men_. Or just you. Or if it’s even women for that matter.”

 _How can you not know that?_ I want to ask. I was painfully and acutely aware of my own queerness at _thirteen_ , possibly earlier.

**Simon**

Baz stares at a spot just over my shoulder, like he’s trying to puzzle something out. “So you’re watching porn? To see if men or women do it for you?”

I nod. “Yeah, exactly.”

His eyes flick to mine again. “Simon… How did you not think about this before?”

I shrug.

“You didn’t know you wanted me.” It’s not a question. “And you don’t know if you want women. Or men.”

I don’t answer.

“What do you think about when you—”

“I don’t.” His eyes widen. “I mean, I don’t think when I wank. Or, I didn’t. Now, all I can think about is _you_.”

“You don’t think. Or didn’t used to.”

“Right, yeah.”

**Baz**

This does not compute. I think back to my own teenage fantasies, and even the early ones were about some generic _boy_.

How can he not _know_?

“So now you’re… experimenting with… thinking about someone who’s not me.” I realize how petty it sounds as soon as I’ve said it.

His face flushes red. “That’s not— I mean— I don’t…”

**Simon**

_Christ_ , he’s jealous. Actually _jealous_. I don’t know what to say, so I stop trying.

The truth is, when I first started wanking, I _did_ think about people. But it felt like I was just letting my brain flit over people I knew, wondering what they might be like. With me. Or with anyone. I didn’t think of it as _fantasizing_. Especially when my brain would settle on someone and then quickly move on. I knew I didn’t want to think about Phillipa. Or Penny. Sometimes I’d think about Agatha, and when my mind didn’t recoil, I’d let her melt in my mind into a generic body. The basic concept of sex.

And sometimes my mind wandered to boys. To Baz. I think I rationalized it, somehow. It’s normal to wonder about your fit roommate, even if he’s your enemy. Even if he’s a _boy_. _I wonder what Baz would be like_. And then the thought would sink into my subconscious, and it was barely any work at all to forget it.

And then I stopped thinking about anyone. And just thought about the sensations, about my own body, how it was feeling, how I was making myself feel. It’s not like I even did it that often, anyway. And I never felt _inspired_ to do it. My body just needed a release sometimes.

But now. _Baz_ inspires me to do it. And I’m starting to remember some of the thoughts I buried.

“It’s always you, Baz.”

**Baz**

I take a deep breath. “Can I join you?”

He gapes at me. “Join me?”

 _Crowley_ , this is embarrassing. “I mean while you… figure yourself out.” _While you watch porn_.

Understanding spreads across his face. “Baz, I… I can’t figure it out with you here.”

“Why?”

He blushes. “Because. You’ll muddy the data.”

I smirk. “Because you want me.” He nods. “Because I’ll _distract_ you.”

He grins and shrugs. “You _are_ incredibly hot.”

I lean towards him. “Figure it out later, darling.”

And I kiss him. 


End file.
